he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
