I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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