Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
