Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
