Yo dont text me then not text me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
