It's like a parade of train wrecks.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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