is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
