I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
