no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
