What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
