bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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