dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
