I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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