can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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