I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
