I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
