Buhtt sex?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
