i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
