Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
