Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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