yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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