that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
