what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
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