Christians are straight up FREAKS
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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