Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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