oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
