We're facebook friends in real life
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he shaved USA in his pubs
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
