so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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