I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
