so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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