Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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