sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I cannot find my penis.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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