I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
