There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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