I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
