party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I smell like Dick and happiness
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize