I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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