i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Acid is not a monday night drug
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
