i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
