i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
