No, drunk sperm still make babies.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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