So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
