I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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