sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
