I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
