Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Then you guys just all showered together...?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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