hotel room ftw
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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