Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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