He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Sober January is a disaster.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
