um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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