Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
