i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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