god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
