Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
