I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
