I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
