are you still at the devil's house?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
