he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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