So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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