haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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