The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she told me i tasted like america
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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