U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
