The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize