I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
