my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
