I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
