I can tuck mytits in my pants
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
