non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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