Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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