Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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