it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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