Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
