we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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