Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
