alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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