saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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