This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
