Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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