I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize