So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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