my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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