I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
