the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
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I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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