hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i will never coherently bang her
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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