are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
